Talking to strangers
A sample of random interactions I’ve had recently:
"Oh, your bag looks great!" - A random stranger at the airport
"What was the best thing you've eaten recently?" - The barista I'd never seen before while making my coffee
"Tell me your life's story, won't you?" - Every. Customer service employee. Ever.
What is this all about?!
You may wonder what this is all about, and let me tell you, I've asked myself this question on an almost daily basis since getting to the US as well. You see, one of the biggest differences in daily life in the US compared to daily life in Austria has been the insane amount of random interactions with complete strangers I've had here. So many people I've encountered, whether it's while standing in line at the coffee shop or just being out and about doing my thing will want to chat, complement each other or make small talk. The funny thing is, that it never leads anywhere! People don't expect to, I don't know, actually get to know you and then follow up. It's literally just a one minute interaction that starts and ends right there. I was baffled. What was the point of this?
The Matrix effect
One of my friends here put a name to the whole thing: He called it "The Matrix Effect". Those random strangers you encounter in your life (whether it's your barista or a random person standing in line with you) are there to make your life interesting but are overall utterly inconsequential to your life. So they'll use each other as props throughout their day. Absolutely fascinating!
Talking to strangers is actually good for us
However, digging deeper into this, it turns out, it's not actually as utterly inconsequential as I had first thought. While one of the most important rule we learn as kids is that we should not, under any circumstances, talk to strangers, that advice (while great for kids) is a little short-sighted. As it turns out, once we leave the bubble we grew up in, pretty much anyone we encounter will be a stranger. Hell, you may end up rooming with a complete stranger at university, every new colleague at work starts out as a stranger and so on! So, instead of ignoring each other, we need to become good at interacting with a stranger. We need to learn to build new connections with a stranger. "Using" those people in your life that you'll most likely never see again can give you a chance to practice those skills without risking making a fool of someone important to you (like your boss).
What is more, talking to strangers may actually be good for us! Not because we need to become better at it, but because it makes us feel good to do so. Research shows that acknowledging those strangers we encounter on a daily basis, giving them a, nod, or a smile (as cultural norms allow), just acknowledging their existence makes us and them feel better! It doesn't stop there - when we’re kind to someone, we, they, and everyone who observes that interaction will get a happy bump from that act of kindness.
Overall, while initially a little awkward, it's good practice - making us feel more confident, appreciated, and happier. Don't worry - I'm not running around talking to every stranger I encounter. However, if I do like someone's purse, I'll make sure to tell them.