Bring your authentic self to work, what does that even mean?

Storytime: A little while ago, I was talking to a client who told me she interviewed someone who had been recommended to her for a job and as she and the recommendee were chit-chatting at the beginning of the interview, they also talked about the recommender - and the recomendee was head-over-heals about what a nice person they were, how they were always so helpful to everyone in their community and so on. My client was baffled - her experience (and for that matter, the experience of many others working with them at the firm) was VERY different. To say the least. She knew them as someone very good at their job but also very hard to work with, with little patience and, of all things, NOT someone who would jump in to help anyone at all.

As we talked about it, she concluded that, "you know, some people can do that - be someone completely different at work than they are in their personal life. Like, I don't know how they do it, but I guess this is one of those cases."

What does “showing up authentically” even mean?

I've been pondering the question of "what does it mean to show up authentically" myself for a while. As I get challenged to build my brand, this has become a core question. Personally, I could not be someone at work that I'm not in my personal life and it's something I've struggled with, especially as I started my career some years back. I was worried about not being the "picture perfect consultant". Or, well, what I imagined a consultant should be like - not a hair out of place, always dressed to the T, supremely professional. I'm not sure what other things I had on my mind, but I feared, that that would never be me. I am very open, direct to a fault, tend to have my hair up in a messy bun 3 out of every 4 days and was wondering how the fork I was even hired.

Trying to be this perceived perfection of what I should be made me absolutely miserable and thankfully, I had some amazing mentors over the years who made me realize that, while I would maybe never be what I had in mind (I honestly am not even sure where that picture came from), that didn't diminish the work I was doing or the fact that I was great at my job.

Really owning who I was and building on my strengths (rather than desperately trying to change what I perceived as my weaknesses) and my authentic self has helped me carve out my own space - and allowed me to connect to peers, mentors and clients in a new way. None of this is meant to diminish those that ARE what I perceived as "perfect" consultants back then - there are many Consultants who can pull it off effortlessly and flawlessly, some of them great friends or role models of mine.

Authenticity as it’s tied to your identity

When researching for this article, I found a lot of articles around bringing your authentic self to work - however, the vast majority of them focused around how it can help build relationships. While that is a big part of it, for me it started with showing up as myself - independently of what that meant to building relationships. Showing up authentically for me was about my whole self - my style and wardrobe, my speech patterns, my communication style and yes, how much I was willing to share about myself and my life - all things that my identity was built around. There are many more aspects to it and aspects that were key to me and my identity might be mostly irrelevant for you, but hopefully there'll still be bits and pieces that are useful for your unique situation.

Dress for Success

While I was cringing a little when typing out that sub-header, a big question for me was dressing for the job and what that meant for the impression that left on colleagues and clients. I'm not the type for designer clothes and my interest in clothes has never extended beyond the superficial. To this day, my wardrobe is mostly practical and my makeup is minimal on a good day. I had to find a way to make "showing up as a consultant" work in a way that didn't leave me feeling like I was dressing up (in the carnival sense, not the fancy we're-going-to-a-gala-dinner sense). Like my great aunt (who worked as a CFO with lots of auditors) once said - no one would willingly hand over key decisions for their business to someone dressed like a slob (not that I ever did, but you get the point). 

Speech patterns 

Another big aspect of my identity was speech patterns. This started way, way before I ever started working. I grew up in a small town about 20 km outside of a slightly bigger town that I went to school in. Most of the kids in my class were from that slightly bigger town and they thought my "Bauerndialekt" (Farmer's dialect for lack of a better translation) was hi-larious. Not the best situation to be in as an 11-year-old that was already worried about fitting in with a bunch of kids she didn't know. I learned to code switch very quickly. Language for me lost the emotional attachment it could have (should have) had and has for many others. This was strengthened by me moving and travelling so much throughout my 20s and I now work in a different language entirely. My family still makes fun of me for losing my dialect but it's a part of me that I stopped associating with my identity so early that it wasn't difficult to adjust (Arnie, I'm really sorry about making fun of you as a kid, I get it now). Many others who haven't had those same experiences are either struggling with code-switching or do feel like they have to leave a big part of who they are at home. I really don't have any great advice on this, especially because it's so personal to everyone what you're willing to budge on or not. I can only encourage you to find a way to make it work for you in a way that you're happy with - while not assimilating sometimes makes things more difficult, it also allows you to connect with a different group of people compared to your peers. There are pro's and con's to both, and it gets even more complicated when considering systemic discrimination and prejudices related to certain speech patterns.

Find your people

If this is a big part of who you are, be selective about what to adjust and what not. Find a support network that you relate to within your chosen field and discuss with them - how did they assimilate or not? What solutions worked for them? Figure out what the consequences are or can be and what is or isn't worth changing without you feeling like you're losing yourself every time you go to work.

How personal do you want to get?

Authenticity is also about what you share about yourself - and I don't mean about which personal stories you share. You can be a supremely private person and make that work for you. The key to showing up authentically is to first understand who you are and what you ARE willing to share. If you know your strengths, weaknesses, your values, successes and failures, you'll be able to consciously decide how you show up every day without exhausting yourself trying to be something you're not. Personally, I tend to over- rather than under-share (not ideal, either, I will say), but I've learned to not overload others who don't have the same disposition. Especially if you're in a client-serving position, gage what they're willing to share and adjust based on that. I don't mean compromise and adapt to whatever they're sharing if you're not willing to do so - but you can share in a way that doesn't actually mean you're divulging your entire life's story. If they're sharing about their weekend and asking about yours, don't just go "good" and leave it at that. Tell them that you spent it with some friends in your city. You're literally sharing nothing personal, but you're still giving them something to go on. Take their lead - if they enjoy sharing, drive the conversation by being the one to ask questions rather than answer them. If they're merely interested in a transactional, subject-matter focused exchange, then follow that lead.

Build meaningful connections

Showing up authentically is generally agreed upon as the baseline for building meaningful connections at work (if you're looking to do that!) but it also takes some time and intent. If you are looking to build relationships, the easiest thing to start doing that is to really listen to your counterpart, whether colleague or client. Doing so doesn't require any sharing on your part - pay attention to what THEY're passionate about, ask them questions about themselves, their work and life or whatever else comes to mind. Then follow up on that - if you come across an article that might interest them, if you meet someone who could be a good connection for them, introduce them - all of this takes minimal effort on your part, and pays off multiple times over. If things like that are challenging for you, again - find a way to do the things that work with who YOU are. Focus on the people you're actually interested in rather than trying to sprinkle across everyone you ever meet. Support them in a way that comes naturally to you rather than ones that require you to exhaust yourself.

Authenticity can be extremely difficult, especially if you're working in a climate that doesn't encourage you to do so / or support who you are. However, the alternative is in many cases even less desirable - putting on a mask every morning can be extremely exhausting in the long term. I've said it before and I'll say it again - no one will ever care more about your life or your career than you. It needs to make you happy / content / give you whatever it is you're looking for!

I'd love to hear your stories - what does it mean to show up authentically to YOU? What worked / doesn't work for you? Let me know!